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Archive for the ‘meditation’ Category

At sunset I heard Joni Mitchell sing “Two Grey Rooms” on my drive home. The blues and corals swept the sky, my heart swirled with the unexpected changes, harmonies, and the vivid story. Perfection. Absolute perfection. Although I own the album, this was my first listen. I love firsts.

After catching up with a friend on the phone, one of those awesome conversations that are more like a trip than a talk, a melody wafted around my mind. I tried to corral it, but only a snip let me grab and then it disappeared, leaving five words to help me recall it. That wasn’t enough so I dialed Carmel to get the name. We sang this song together in May, but who pays attention to titles?! She didn’t pick up, so I hit a random letter of the alphabet on my iPod and pressed play, landing in the “Twe’s”. I fast forward through the “Twelve O’Clock” in French, midi minuit, then “Twelve Thirty” by The Mamas & The Papas…I have absolutely NO recollection of how they got in there. Weird. Moving quickly on through “Twenty Past Four”, “Twenty Past ten”, and “Twenty Past two”, in French, I hear three piano chords, and let the music play. Gorgeous chords. Sunset chords. The end of a beautiful day chords. Then Joni began, “Tomorrow is Sunday…” and instantly, I know. I just know…the answers to my questions today.

I drive through the serene camel hills, past the blissful delta, on home. Today is my grandma Rosa’s birthday. She passed on several years ago. Happy Birthday, Grandma. I pull in the driveway. My phone dings to tell me I have a text. It’s from Carmel: “Falling Slowly”. She names the song that led me to Joni Mitchell tonight. Sneaky…Thank you for that. Joni’s been on repeat for nearly an hour, and I’m ready to dream this song.

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floodgates burst
primordial injustice
no consolation
no explanation
no hesitation
vehement turbulence
no arms listen
no ears assuage
no heart embraces

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I saw this recently on the IMDB site. Curious. Chrome has my recently visited history, and full history listed right there. I can’t deny the Facebook pages I’ve been to. I like the concept of managing my history. We all do it to some extent, don’t we? We leave out details or whole years, try to forget about how intensely we longed for someone or how important a job, or vacation, or home was at the time. Is it just me?

Lately I’ve been working on telling different stories. Not lying about the past or re-inventing it, but re-telling it, sort of a history make-over if you will. Change the highlights, the shadows, pop some of the colors and mute others, brighten, sharpen, soften, crop, change the angle, in other words, give it a fresh new look! I find it’s more lovable this way. I own it, it’s mine, I’m in charge, and I’m at peace with it.

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Jet Laggin’

All wonky.
Can’t sleep.
I tried staying up no matter what:
I passed the exhaustion mark and couldn’t sleep at night.
I tried sleeping whenever I felt like it:
I slept 12 hours straight and woke up at 5:30pm
then couldn’t sleep that same evening.
I’ve been eating a lot of cereal.
I think my poor body just wants breakfast,
something easy.
I tried exercise:
I walked all over the city and my feet hurt – still can’t sleep.
I drink tons of water.
I drink hot milk.
I drink beer.
I drink wine.
[not one after another, different nights.]
Nothing helps.
I try reading, breathing, meditating, hot shower, candles, music, prayers, sage.
Experience tells me I’ll get past this and eventually will sleep again.
Please god, soon.
Thank you.

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Mindfulness

“Happiness is there if you know how to breathe and smile, because happiness can always be found in the present moment.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

She cries relief as she reads his words.  They are drops of rain for her thirsty soul.  She soaks up every bit of advice.  It nurtures her longing and brings her peace and hope.  She feels she can be better than she is.  Like a withered plant in darkness abandoned, these drops of peace and love sooth her, bringing life to her, color to her leaves, strength to her stems, blossoms of vibrant color.  She cries tears of ecstasy at the glimmer of hope for her soul.  Peace, strength, focus, power, and happiness are attainable.  They are hers.  They are in her, dormant, but now resusitating with these wise words:

“Breathing In I calm my body, breathing out, I smile.”

“Every time we call something by its name, we make it more real.”

“Life can only be found in the present moment.”

Thank you for these words, this book, this knowledge and awareness.  Thank you for the drops of nourishment to this thirsty plant.  The Mindfulness, the health, she embraces.  She asks for a way to play her instruments, strengthen her body, write, be an artist, compose, create and be financially secure.

“If the problem has a solution, worrying is pointless, in the end the problem will be solved. If the problem has no solution, there is no reason to worry, because it can’t be solved.”

“When the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear.”

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